don’t rely on talking to me for courage (though i’m ALWAYS here to provide it!) you must build your strength up! i feel as much as i’m dispensing advice, from old experiences, i hurt very much too. and it’s nice to know that no matter how much strength you have in you, sometimes you must be weak and have a support system. and you have me for that. always. you are doing wonderful things for yourself and there’s SO much i admire in you! i have no list. i try. but i go wandering away with life. i’m trying to stock my mind with things of the world around me to create a travelogue- but i have committed my life and blood to working VERY hard in school and i haven’t had a spare minute in weeks. the hassle of getting through certain days wears me out most often and the pain has become a part of the struggle. whether the struggle reflects in my work or no, i can’t tell. but it reflects in me, my being, my body language. and i know people can tell. its both alone and lonely sometimes. and i think of my thoughts. and i’m stuck in my head sometimes. that’s become the latest struggle. sometimes i can’t identify myself when i look for an escape. but i am looking for one now. every minute. currently a friend and me are talking. just talking. it has released me in wonderful ways.
its been a long and frustrating time for many reasons. after a point my work was stagnant and i lost all interest. but its reaching an end now. will try and send you a picture of what i created! im hoping all of this will add value to what i do when i come back. its adding value to me and thats important! but i feel like i’m living in a bubble here. and im scared to come back shroo! very scared. i feel like i can't not do everything i’ve been doing here for 3 months! i cant get back to that kind of life, work and the negativity. not thinking about it too much anymore. but it rises in me from time to time. its much colder here now and sometimes the weather has COMPLETE control over my emotions.
more soon.
xoxox
me
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